Fruit ___ the Bottom

I've seen it both ways, and we've got to settle which is the better term — Fruit at the Bottom... or Fruit on the Bottom. Yogurt connoisseurs everywhere have been holding their collective breath for an answer.

Saying the fruit is at the bottom lends a connotation of being somewhere in the general vicinity of the bottom, while on the bottom gives more of an impression that it's way down low, pressed against the bottom. In this respect, at would be more representative of the truth we're in search of. Continuing our examination...

Danny and the Juniors did a little ditty nigh 51 years ago known as At the Hop, and one shudders to think of the ramifications had they instead chose the phrase On the Hop. The results would've been disastrous. Not to be outdone, five years hence Dr. Seuss penned the inimitable Hop on Pop, which does strike one as a tad preferential to Hop at Pop. So then which of those paths is the yogurt culture compelled to follow? This one appears easy, as a doctor of Theodor Geisel's status would trump a junior achiever in most universes.

But this isn't the end of it, since Seuss upped the ante with his inestimable tome Fox in Socks two years later, further confusing the issue. Literary cognoscenti have taken note that the fox was not at the socks, nor was he on the socks, but was rather fully engaged in a veritable fox-socks symbiosis. So then what of this notion of fruit being in the bottom? Not sayin', but I'm just sayin'...

To meet with the demands of our dairy intelligentsia, we need to backtrack a little here and define more of our terms. What constitutes the bottom? A bottom could be reasonably designated as the lower portion. Looking at it this way, can the fruit be at the lower portion of a yogurt container? One bristles at the prospect. Much too vague for our purposes here. Can fruit be on the lower portion of the container? That makes about as much sense as reality shows. (actually I need to apologize here for being overly insulting to the word 'on' in that manner) Now, for the clincher... can fruit be in the lower portion of the yogurt container? Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding...

While I'm convinced we have a winner now, let's not be too quick to dismiss other possibilities. The undergarment industry would have a lot to say on this whole issue. Their fruit traditionally being of the loom, it behooves us to consider yogurt as being fruit of the bottom. Now, it might not sell much that way, but we aren't in search of popularity here. Rather, our quest is in what's apropos in expressing the proper role and function of renegade fruit in an otherwise quaint yogurt environment.

Also not to be overlooked is fruit by the bottom, which brings with it a more egalitarian effect. At second glance, it's a little more on the non-committal side, possibly rendering it too ambiguous for this inquiry.

And then there's fruit with the bottom, although that's just a tad too existential for my tastes. If I hear something like that, I'm half-expecting a cascade of flowers to permeate the atmosphere as I open the lid, and that's on the extreme side. Fruit over the bottom? Too melodramatic... it would be the kind of thing Hollywood would no doubt feel compelled to make a movie out of. Don't even go there. And then if you want a more technical approach, you might go for fruit above the bottom. But then, isn't everything above the bottom? Beyond all that, a conceivable mystical version could be fruit upon the bottom. Something to think about.

But for sheer elegance, I think I'm somewhat partial to fruit along the bottom. I believe I could buy shiploads of something like that. It's got this dreamy, poetic feel to it.

Or perhaps throw out this bottom concept altogether. I could even go for Fruit Underneath... the mysterious fruit lies below. Let your spoon take a dive... if you dare. Maybe the world isn't ready for that yet, but it may have its time.

And why not Fruit at the Top? Is the fruit really heavier than the yogurt? I seriously think against such a thing. Or why not just say Fruit Somewhere Inside, and leave it at that? Is it important that we know precisely where the fruit resides? Do we really need a GPS for it? I wonder if they're trying to cater to that 4% of the population that will open it up to white yogurt and say, "Dang... they forgot to put the flavor in, Martha. Now what do I do?"

This prepositional endeavor brings up some side issues. How about those signs at fast food places... "Now hiring – apply within." As opposed to applying up on the roof, or applying over in the flower beds? Applying within was actually the last place I would have guessed. You know, my first inclination was that for that vaunted position of burger flipper I'd need to be flown down to their corporate headquarters in San Bernardino and go through a series of in-depth interviews and screening tests. At any rate, if you have to help the applicants figure out the most logical place to turn in their resume', then maybe they're just not cut out for the job. Don't help them too much. Use the built-in filters you've got to your advantage. Life sends us clues if we'll pay attention to them.

I wonder on the whole if we're too eager to help consumers find their way that we don't allow people their moment of discovery.

We don't need to have inside information about a movie prior to watching it in order to enjoy it. Don't show us all the scenes ahead of time. That's what the movie's for. Let it unfold. Let it tell its own story. Likewise, let life do the same thing. Let it unfold. Let it surprise you. Don't try to peek at the ending. The fruit will be there waiting for you... somewhere... and it doesn't really matter where.